Monthly Archives: November 2015

THE JOURNEY FROM HOLE TO WHOLE

11924551_495898903911407_6379686982944724063_nThere have been times in my life when I have been so lonely I didn’t think I could go another day alone.  As you may imagine it led to some unhealthy relationships.  Day after day the phone would be quiet, everyone was somewhere with someone and having fun while I was all alone with no one.  At those times the despair ripped a hole in my heart that tore itself into my soul.  I thought I could never be whole again.

One day while I was sitting on the floor in the corner of my room, rocking and chanting ‘I don’t want to live.   suddenly out came the words, ‘I don’t want to live this way.”  Two  insignificant, little words that said so much.  ”This way,” I heard them but it didn’t sink in at that moment.  I was too focused on the ‘hole’.

Later that evening thoughts began to take form.  The only difference between Hole and Whole is a tiny letter…W…so I made a list of words beginning with W that would help me make the Hole Whole.

Wish

Want

Wonder

Wandering, willfully, through the wasteland of worry and want wielded woe.  So I wondered what wishing, wanting and willingness would wield.

From all that silliness came insight.

As I began to see  the loneliness I felt was that of an abandoned child I realized why.  It was true I was that abandoned child left behind by my adult self.  The whimsy the knowing that whatever I did I was marvelous.  To look at myself in the mirror and liked what I saw.  I looked deeply into my eyes and became my best friend that day.  No one knows what my needs are and not everyone will understand my feelings better than I.